When you have three teenage girls it is inevitable that everyone will sync up. Translation one week solid of raging hormones and not enough ice cream for this Momma bear to deal at times. But the good news is that there was a silver lining this time. It was small but it was there.
Sooooo N has her menses which means I am now on guard to figure out when and where the next aggressive outburst will occur. I try to control things as much as I can, run interference so things don’t escalate but know deep down I can’t stop it from happening, It is just for myself I need to know that I did all I could do.
Well it was Saturday and the telltale screech let me know it was happening. So I go downstairs and she starts screaming that I am threatening to hit her, she is going to fuck me up blah blah blah…no seriously just walked down the stairs. She barricades herself in the closet and tries to hold the door shut. I remind her no can do, bookcase and safety issue. I give her space holding the door open but out of her immediate area by about 2-3 feet. Raging, raging I say nothing. Suddenly she throws a shoe at me and nails me in the forehead. I say to her “N now you are being unsafe. If you continue to throw objects at me for my safety and yours I will have to use a physical restraint on you (yes I am trained).” She throws another shoe and I pull her out of the closet and restrain her. (Yes I am crazy strong like that…well that and laminate flooring slides nice)
She rages for about 10 seconds and then stops with words just crying but still clearly angry. I said to her “N you have your period and your emotions are out of control. You can choose to do something more positive then this BUT your period is NOT and excuse to act like an animal.You do not have permission to hit me and you do not have the right to be out of control like this” She yells at me “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to keep hitting you but I can’t stop.” I say to her “You can..control your breathing. Slow down. Think” She stops fighting me and so I release her and as I do it tell her “I am going to let you go as you are calming down but if you hit, scratch, bite or kick me I will restrain you again am I clear?” She said yes.
She cried for a bit and I stood there for a moment to make sure she was safe and then went upstairs so both of us could focus on breathing.
NOW here is the good part!!!!! Here is everything that did NOT happen
-At NO TIME did she say “I hate you I want to go back to Varick.” “This is why I don’t want to be adopted.” “You are f*** b***” “I’m calling the cops, CPS etc”
-while she did not want me to restrain her she did not actively try to bite me or punch me as she has done in the past. She did not spit or scratch or make any real moves to kick me (she moved her legs but did not make contact)
-she was able to relay that she did not really want to be acting this way but felt she could not control herself. When reminded she did.
-the whole story….took less then 20 minutes…..down from 2 hours!!!!!! Restraint was maybe a minute, minute and a half down from 35 minutes
So I am happy, really happy that this is turning itself around. She was told she did in fact lose her trip to Chuck E CHeese because of the behavior but she knew. She tried to argue it was not assaulting me as the shoes were soft so I said “Look was it right (no)? Do you want me to do it to you (no)? Then you are still wrong regardless of what you want to call it.”
Yep this is progress. It is hard and very ugly at times but it does happen!!