I want to wear this as my shirt as I went into the trial for the second time and this time I knew I would be testifying. I have a fever, my glands are swollen and my voice sounds like a young man going through puberty. I have not slept in days and the stress takes it’s toll on me slowly and surely. My BFF picks me up and tries to lighten the mood. She knows I am shook up and stressed out. How does she know, I am not saying a word.
We get to the building and the receptionist of course recognizes me. She wishes me well as I fight back the tears. Life feels so unfair right now but no point complaining it will not help. My attorney appears and takes one look at me and says “OMG you are sick, do you need to post phone?” Umm no we won’t get any luckier no matter when we do this. She preps my BFF for her testimony and squeezed my hand reminding me it will be over soon. Yeah I know it might be all over soon that is why I am sick.
My friend testifies first, she inspected the camp. The camp has never had a supervisory infraction. No reason to believe anyone is in danger for any reason. Cross examination consisted of their attorney trying to ascertain that my BFF is not qualified to determine if kids are in danger from a predator like my daughter. I could hear my friend getting upset. I squeeze her arm quick, don’t lose it keep it together.
I am sworn in and my mouth is like cotton and my heart is racing. The questions from my attorney are all known she has prepped me. I keep answers short and don’t provide an ounce of additional information. Cross examination happens and the nightmare begins. The attorney was like a playground bully and honestly I wanted to smack him upside the head. He kept twisting words and I kept correcting him. I worked hard to keep my mouth under control because all I wanted to yell was “Stop freaking trying to intimidate me!!” It probably lasted 5 minutes, felt like an hour.
Closing arguments and I get to hear from their side that basically I am a liar, in denial about the seriousness of my daughters issues and unwilling to accept responsibilities for any of my actions. I gritted my teeth and the second it closed I grabbed my crap and ran out of the room. My BFF grabs me and says to sit and breathe, probably my attorney wants to talk to me so sit still and breathe, its over and done nothing more can be done…nothing. I hear my attorney running down the hall, my friend yells “I got her we are sitting here in the waiting area.”
She sits super close to me, way inside my bubble, and says “It’s over. Don’t listen to what the attorney said. He does not know you and he was scrambling to make things match due to his departments inconsistencies. Breathe, just because he said it doesn’t make it so” I am so mad I am shaking and cannot find the words to express my rage. Finally I say “He is nothing but a bully. He was badgering me!” My attorney smiled and looked like a kid in a candy store, I am confused, why is she happy?
She said “Look can I tell you something? (I nod) In all my years of practice you were by far the best witness ever. You answered all questions exactly the way I needed you to and held your ground when he started to badger you. So many people fold under cross examination. You did not you took your ground and held it which clearly aggravated him and threw him off his game. He expected you to fold and when you did not he was visibly upset that he could not budge you.” Well what the heck it was the truth, you think just because you have more degrees then me that you somehow know more than I do about my child?
My attorney assures me it went as well as can be expected. Now we have to wait she is confident that we at least introduced doubt which she said was important. The judge has 60 days to make a decision and when she does I will be notified in writing what it is. My attorney stated that sometimes judges rule early, this judge has been known to do that.
Now I feel empty. I can do literally nothing more and have to wait for up to 60 days. I am scared to death, I never have done well in situations where I can’t do anything and just have to wait. I know to let go and let God but come on this is one of the worst experiences of my entire life AND it might not be resolved in my favor and if it is not then why did N get strung along. Yes that is the part that bothers me most, that N was given a brief hope and it might not happen. She is the one who will be hurt so badly and I am not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself for that.