Frustrated at the Process

So things looked good on N’s side, the workers agreed, the agency she lives in agrees and her guardian ad litum agrees I am a good match. The problem of course is my agency. I sent a flurry of emails with details of N to my worker to get her board. She says she is new has to talk to her Supervisor. OK fine I wait until Tuesday.

Tuesday comes no word in the morning. I email  at noon nothing. I call at 3pm and am told “OH Supervisor is working from home all week I will talk to her next week when she comes back”  OK you know what that won’t work, N’s therapist leaves on Friday for three weeks. I know I told them that, apparently it does not matter what I want or say they will do what they want when they want to. So ok it is not going to happen anytime soon. I again have to wait and even if they were to say yes nothing will happen before June 23d.

I get why people quit the process. I get why kids don’t get adopted and all of it because of “the process” OK I don’t toot my own horn but I will say this I have 10 years as a foster parent, I have had 27 children come through my doors, performed respite for several dozens more and in 2 years I cannot get matched and go forward because of my agency. Yes the agency who I have fostered for for the last 10 years prevents me from doing the one thing I want to do, adopt another child.

Yes I should leave them but this is the same agency I train for and mentor many of their families. I want to leave and yet I have had a steady flow of kids through the doors since I mentioned two years ago I wanted to adopt. I should have said no, I should have but then there would not have been the last 4 kids. I should have left and at that point maybe I would have been matched and adopting by now but I did not. There are consequences to my choices and maybe lessons I needed to learn.

So I sat at work and hated my choices. I hated myself for not leaving earlier and tried to tell myself it would be all right. Nope can’t lie to myself anymore it is just too dang frustrating. The system is broken I don’t know how the heck to fix it. I am losing hope fast. I type it to my friend and she sent a swift email from my BFF “Don’t give up, don’t let them win. You can beat the system. I believe in  you.” I almost laughed out loud because I don’t feel it one bit. I don’t feel I can win and to be honest I have worked my butt off for ten years and they don’t feel like they can help me then they suck and no I don’t want to try anymore. I quit.

Then my cell phone rang, weird it was a Rochester number who the heck? I never give my cell out so confused I pick it up. It is one of N’s workers and she immediately apologized for calling me at work. I assure her it is fine but what was the issue was everyone ok?

“The other day (the therapist) mentioned to N that there could be a family interested in adopting her. ANYM her whole face lit up and she immediately wanted more information. I know you are hesitating because of your agency but are you on board if they say yes”

I assured her I was but that no answer was coming this week and I did not want to deceive N as she had been through enough already. The worker agreed and said “All right I will tell her it is true (what the therapist said) but that it is a slow process for a lot of reasons. Is that all right?” OK well that seemed all right I guess. I mean it was the truth it will be awhile.

All right I get it I can’t quit. The stuff you fight for makes it more worth it in the end but dang I am tired….really really tired of fighting the process.

Will I ever see the end of this adoption half marathon?
Will I ever see the end of this adoption half marathon?
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