Winds of Change

So BirthMom got an apartment and has not moved in yet. There is no rhyme or reason to it though she gives “reasons” none are real reasons. I am concerned but what can I do except offer support. The caseworker is frustrated too, Mom wants to keep her job but works from 12-7pm the case worker can’t find child care, Gramma won’t step up and Dad, well Dad is Dad.

So I left the insanity for a few days and ventured off to California to do another half marathon as I had planned back in August before I realized the kids would still be with me. So off they went to respite and the three of us went to Disneyland. I felt bad but the drama is killing me and I needed a break, yes I still feel guilty. I was in California and I get an email from the new home finder the message is simple

“D (the Supervisor) and I have no issues with you trying to get custody of C. If you want to continue feel free to do so”

I was shocked totally shocked, what do you mean,  you think I can handle 5 kids? I was stunned, truly stunned. I had M1 read the email too, could it be  true? She read it too and said it was and that was what it said. Quickly I called C’s worker but did not feel hopeful, there was too much as stake, it had been almost 3 months.

Sure enough it was too late. I was happy and sad all at once. I wanted her to be happy but I wanted her. I was angry and almost agreed with my BFF when she said in frustration “See they screwed you over again!” At first I did agree but the next day, when I could think more clearly I realized that things happen for a reason. Yes I hurt I won’t lie but I had to trust the guy upstairs and boy is that hard for me at times. I started looking at local kids and the one still stood out to me. I read her profile, changed my search criteria and still she popped up. I thought and thought and finally realized no harm in calling. I was fairly sure her recruiter had contacted me but I did not answer because I knew that the old home finder would not respond. So I email the worker listed, after all the child’s name is common so it might not be one in the same.

Literally five minutes later my phone rings and it is the child’s worker, did I have general questions about what I read. The blurb said she wanted a mom, dad, big sister and pets. Well all right I have 3 out of 4 how critical is the dad piece? The worker asks why and I reply “Well I am not married so if there must be a dad I will not waste any more of your time” The worker laughed and said no it was not a requirement. She asked me a few basic question about my certifications, did I understand what Oppositional Defiance Disorder and ADHD were and were my kids on board for more kids. Yes of course to all so she asked for my homestudy.

I sent an email to the new home finder, she said she would do it. I waited and waited no response. I did not want to check, did she really do it. I reach out to the worker who responds

“E and I both received your home study from (home finder) this morning. I’ve been out of the office most of the day but have reviewed it.  E is going to forward it to N’s caseworker and we’ll get back in touch in the near future.  Thanks again for your interest in N!    Have a good evening!”

Do I dare read into it? I send it to my BFF she thinks it is positive. I have M1 read it she agrees. So now I wait again.

Gads I must live for the drama. Oh well can’t change what will happen so I took the time to snuggle the kids I have and to be thankful. Pray for patience and hope for the best for all of us.

Sometimes this journey feels like the half marathon I did this weekend.
Sometimes this journey feels like the half marathon I did this weekend.
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