Holy Muddy Water Batman

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OK so let me be very clear since I found out that my homefinder would not represent me I have been in a bit of a funk. On top of that I had a huge health issues which results in me no longer being allowed caffeine….soo…between being very angry at the homefinder, disappointed that maybe God’s plan is NOT for me to adopt and the massive lack of caffeine headache…well frankly I needed a super hero.

So I get the call about the homefinder she is out as of 2/12/15. She told me it was not her choice and she did not want to leave. I was  also told that my current case worker was splitting the home finding duties between him and another coworker I had momentary hope that maybe I could re-approach the whole “no to five kids” thing with the Supervisor but the more I thought about it the more I thought you know she has never actually talked to me maybe she would not be in my corner and maybe I am deluding myself. Maybe the homefinder was not the issue it was the Supervisor or a combination. I don’t know and the big problem is that I do NOT trust the Supervisor or the agency so that is the over riding issue really.

Well I could to go to the other agency that I looked into before. They would advocate for me to get C but then I lose all contact with DSS. If I lose contact with them then if Little Man and Little Bit came back into care no one would tell me and they certainly would not be placed with me as I was no longer a county home. I can’t let C go, it is in my brain I have to fight. I can get the money to pay for it, the start the process and they will hold off on filing the new homestudy until the Littles are gone but then DSS is gone too. If I went with the new agency they would advocate for me and the county surely will not.

I could go to the new agency and work right now with the parents and associated personnel to try to stay in the kids lives so that if it goes south I can file for Guardianship. I have talked to daycare, to the parents and I know the Grandmother maybe reach out to her. It would not be awesome but I could still have the kids and then when rights are terminated I could adopt them. Financially it might be harder because I don’t think a subsidy, like with foster, would be available but I could do it.

In the words of Flo Rida “You spin my head right round, right round…” So I do what I always do in these cases…pray for divine intervention then wait and listen. Suddenly things began to happen strangely.

Today I get an email from the agency I thought of going to. Am I still interested? I hear back from an Attorney friend of mine with a name of someone in my county who does Guardianship. I realized if I file my taxes soon I will have a refund that could cover costs. It seems to be a coincidence but then again is it divine intervention? Remember I am operating on a caffeine deficit where as previously caffeine was my blood type. No the headaches are gone but am I struggling to connect dots that are not there? Am I reading too much into this or did the man upstairs send me a few direct clues?

I go to daycare today and the daycare Director says “Look when (M0m) comes in to fill out the paperwork I am going to encourage her to put you are a guardian so we can still talk is that all right?” I say sure and walk to work shaking my head. I feel like I am being shoved but am I reading to much? I run it past my BFF and she agrees it does look like I am being pushed.

Part of me is resistant but part of me screams “JUMP NOW” I feel like I should move but it has been 10 years in this dysfunction which is DSS, I don’t think it will change and fear it will get worse.

Ugg I need a crystal ball badly!!!!

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