The Sealed Brown Envelope

On Friday the recruiter for C sent myself and the home finder a case summary. I did not get mine yesterday but I checked in with the home finder and she had. I was so nervous as I emailed her to find out what she thought, after all if she was against it then nothing would happen regardless of what I thought or felt. Her answer shocked me:

It came across my desk this morning, it’s a lot of information that I will pop in the mail to you.
I’d say without ‘Little Man” and “Little Bit”, I think OK, but with, I think too much….i know that’s broad! But the process is a slow one, so let’s see how it goes?

I was beyond shocked, she never agreed to anything I said or felt what the heck was up with this? I went home and found the envelope. I felt like it was a final exam all the answers in my hand….don’t screw it up. I quick updated the babysitter and headed out to the library to read and to think. I had no idea what to think, in my mind I hear the recruiters voice “Please keep in mind the dates as you read” I found a secluded spot in the library and started to read. The information was wonderful and so very upsetting at the same time, so many placements, misdiagnosis and trauma both at home and in foster care. No wonder this kid was still in care.

I didn’t see any red flags. I did not see anything overly worrisome, not that there were not issues but instead they were things I had seen and survived with both M1 and a previous foster child. I came up with about 20 questions and re read the information to be sure I did not gloss over anything. Nothing stood out as concerning, nothing at all. I ran it past my BFF and she laughed saying “You know there is a chance there is nothing for you (meaning another parent might have had an issue)”

All right this was a bit freaky…time to call a third party my only sister. I run the scenario past my sister and she gets really thoughtful. She, like M1 asked me when I got E, the now young lady I have mentored for the last 15 years. I thought for a moment, I got her right before her 16th birthday, and developmentally C is the same age. Wow had not thought of that BUT E never actually lived with us. My sister was very optimistic and said give it a try because it seemed that there were enough safeties in place that if it was not meant to be then it would not happen.

I did ask for a sign, maybe the signs are right in front of me and I am just too scared to face the obvious.

Uncertainty2

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