I bet you think I am talking about the school year don’t you? Well not really, it is that time of the year when I have to start getting winter clothes for the kiddos. Three out of four are growing so it requires me to go up a size and in my attic I literally have bins from size 2T-16 in girls clothes. Oh but wait…. I have a boy to dress….oh but wait there are two size 4T bins no size 3T clothes….oh yeah and then there is M2.
M2 is on the spectrum and is sensitive to sensory stimulation. So even though I have a bin of size 10/12 clothes that could potentially fit her, the odds of her wearing most of it are slim to none. No fitted shirts, no fitted pants, no jeans, no long sleeves, no ruffles, no turtle necks…can you feel the pain? I spend literally two hours in the store looking at the clothes feeling them, holding them up, examining them…. At this point the Walmart employees know me and just let it go. I am sure I look insane but its either this or a meltdown and I do try avoid those. I find some pieces and call it a success now the hard part begins….
M2 is, as my mother says, “budding” and needs to wear something under her shirts. I tried the soft pull over bras her sister liked and she cried. They are too tight, I can’t breath, they are itchy. I try a larger size and more tears it is still too tight. Please understand no in reality it is not but for M2 if she can feel it life can come crashing down. I look at the junior department and the smallest chest size only comes in molded cups with under wires. Are you kidding me? She doesn’t have enough to fill the cup and I hate under wires so no I can’t imagine this working for her. I ask for help and the store clerk stares at me like I am possessed. I try not to get angry at the way she is looking at me as I describe what I need, as I am probably being over sensitive but do you hear me when I say that will not work and no a different color won’t help. It is made of nylon and that is itchy to someone who is sensitive. I feel defeated and go to another store. A new employee and some soft cotton cups later I think MAYBE PERHAPS I ALMOST have something she can tolerate. Yes this is the part of her autism that drives me insane….
I then go into the boys section and in seconds pick out some clothes for Little Man. Holy crud is this easy for a kid without issues. I jet over to the toddlers section for the 3T’s I am missing. I grab a couple of cute outfits and think..wow this really is easy!! No wonder some people like doing this…no I am not one of those. But for second I get what it is like to be “them”
I walk out of the store feeling guilty about how much I hate having to consider these things and about how not normal my clothes shopping for M2 is. No it in no way effects my love for her but for once I wish……well no point in wishing it won’t change my reality. I love her unconditionally and yep that includes these crazy considerations.