Feeling Lost

realmom

M1 stole from me again. No it was not much, only $5 but at this point it is like the hundredth  time she has done it and I am tired. She stole it when I had the other three kids and was dropping M2 off at day camp. She stole it from the door of the van where I had kept it. I knew she took it almost immediately but I had to be sure because I do hate to falsely accuse her when I misplace things and I have done that before.

I asked her about it when I picked her up at day camp and at first she denied it. When I pointed out that she was the only one in the van and no one broke into the van she recanted and admitted it. She claimed she wanted snacks from vending machine and I asked why she stole it and did not just ask. She thought I would say no and she wanted it so she took it. Why yes I had reminded her three times this weekend to do extra chores for some cash but stealing is so much easier.

I don’t know what to do I ask her where we go from here and of course she doesn’t have  answers. I run past her the concept of me pressing charges and she bristles. No she doesn’t want me to do that. I have tried everything I don’t feel I have options. She has had several police officers talk to her throughout the years, lost privileges, lost things, is in counseling, lost freedom….nothing has worked. She wants it and its mine, she takes it no second thoughts my friends and family are stymied that she targets me incessantly, welcome to RAD is all I can think.

So I brought her to the Trooper barracks and asked what my legal options were at this point given that all my efforts for nine years have failed. He asked if there was a history I explained in brief and he shook his head “Ma’am I am not trying to tell you how to raise your kid but it’s my experience that if you do nothing it will only get worse. Also right now at 14 we only send her to family court get her a PINS petition. At 16 we cuff her and put her in jail”

M1 stared at the floor the whole time. She barely looked at anyone and when asked questions she barely squeaked out an answer. The Trooper read her the riot act and said “If you were my kid I would press charges but that is up to your Mom, but given your obvious lack of remorse I would completely support her if she decides to do it” M1 looked like she wanted to die on the spot. The Officer turned to me and said “Look take a day. I am on tomorrow night too, come back and see me if you want but think and be sure this is what you want. I support you doing it but you have to live with it and it is more work for you.”

I hate to do it and yet feel I must. She has to learn there are consequences. When I brought her home I asked her what her thoughts were and she said “I didn’t think you going to take it that far!!!”  My brain scream…you have been robbing me for 9 years….you don’t ever repent and try to do better…I have tried EVERYTHING I know of that my friends suggested and even that counselors have said…..but all that came out was “I told you I was done being abused and that if you continued when I was able, when you turned 14, I would start taking action to protect myself legally” She glared almost pure hatred at me and said “Well you don’t have to do it you could let it go” In my anger all I could hear was my sarcastic inner voice yelling “No I am not Elsa, I am NOT going to let it go”

I wish I knew it would help but I don’t. I know what I have done doesn’t work and I know I can’t do nothing as that doesn’t help either. I just hate  making life so much more complicated.

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One thought on “Feeling Lost

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  1. Ugh. Sadly, I think you should do it. It’s sad that you have to keep upping the ante, but after 9 years…oy. I remember a few months ago when I was doling out some consequences and Hope announced that she didn’t care because she was used to not having stuff. I was floored and stumped. She’s since come around dramatically.

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this,. Cheering for you whatever your decision.

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