Tough day gets tougher

So I finally did it..I submitted the paperwork for M2 to get considered for long term care and did my best not to cry as I dropped the envelope into the mailbox. I know I need to do it but it still makes me sad to know she will need these services. I can get through this but shoot it hurts.  I go back in and my phone rings it is the nurse from the summer program. M2 is in tears won’t say much what should she do? No this is not the normal nurse so I tell her hugs, reassurance and let her know Mom said she can take out her hearing aid as soon as school is over. Apparently that works I don’t hear again from the nurse.

I go to pick up Little Man and Little Bit. I get Little Bit in the front playground and the staff is shaking her head at me. She sighs as me and says “I hate to tell you this but Little Bit as bold bold bold all day. She yelled at staff and threw toys. I don’t know what is wrong with her” I shake my head and look at Little Bit she yells at me “No naughty bunny!!” I look right at her and say “It sounds very much like you were a a naughty bunny” I go and pick her up and she smacks me on the face and pinches my cheek hard. I sigh gotta love this…The teacher looks at me and says “I know you get bad reports every day from Little Man’s class so I am sorry” I smile and reassure her, days like this will happen.

I go to the next playground and see Little Man sitting in a time away. Oh yeah this is going to be another bad report I can tell, they already got the Director down to talk to me. Again he was hitting and kicking teachers. Again he was yelling. I look at him and say “You are finished. No treats tonight and no more Nutella this week” He looks at me angry “That isn’t fair!!” I look at him and say “You are right it isn’t but it isn’t fair to your teachers to be treated so poorly so if you want to be treated fairly I suggest you treat others fairly” He is sullen and stomps to the van. Oh yeah this parenting thing is fun.

The sitter comes to the house with M2 and we are starting dinner before I leave for a night out. M2 swings the pot at me and yells “You bein a brat!!” and kicks in Little Man’s direction. I grit my teeth and think why does Autism not come with a manual. I look at her and say “Go to to your room and sit on the bed for a few minutes” She glares at me and yells “You want me to kick you too!!!” I look at her and say in my calmest voice “There are two ways to get to your room with my help or without my help. What do you choose?” She she screams at me, shoves past me and stomps off to her room. The sitter looks at me floored and I just gather my stuff to leave. It is another day in the fun house.

I look at the sitter and say “I am sorry no treats tonight except for M1. They all were miserable and there is no point in rewarding this behavior.” Little Man and Little Bit protest and I point out their behavior. M2 comes out and starts to cry “Momma me sorry I wanna go with you” I hug her but tell her no because tonight is Momma’s night alone. The tears flow in earnest now but no I NEED away time. M1 looks at me and says “Can I go with you?” and I say “Are you going to talk in therapy about your boyfriend or family? No you won’t you will be miserable so no” She rolls her eyes…yeah the usual response.

I hit the track and walk and walk. My BFF is with me and she jogs to keep up. After 35 minutes I am calm and she laughs at me and says “you wanna talk or you ok?” I laugh and say “Nah I am good thanks for the company” We laugh and we go to our cars. She yells to me “Hey remember you love the kids and they are cute when they sleep!” I smile, yeah I love them its just some days….grrrr….

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