Attempting to be OK

I was talking to my BFF about the trip to Arizona and she said to me “Well might as well take them, you should get use to having them and managing them.” I hurt when she said that, I hurt because at this point we are suppose to be doing overnights. It isn’t happening and I am not all right with it.

When the kids talked to Mom last night she said she had no money.  It is the second of the month and you just got your check, where did it go? I fear she gave it to Dad who is still using and homeless. If that is what happened I can’t blame her but what about the kids? I know she doesn’t have them yet but still shouldn’t she be saving for when that happens? Am I being judgmental? Am I imposing my values? I can’t really tell I can’t be objective.

My BFF called me on the way home tonight and relayed that she feels the rehab house is setting Mom up for failure. Her words are falling on deaf ears. I feel the same way and it makes me sick to think about it. I can’t stop thinking about this fear and it eats at me daily. I have to stop obsessing and yet I cannot. I have to find peace with this and yet I don’t know how.

I love the kids and of course would care for them for life but this is not how I thought it would happen. It started out all positive and now the negative is creeping in. I reached out to my Rector because I know I have to deal and accept whatever is going to happen. I already said I would and I don’t make a habit of lying.

I can’t help but wonder though do others go through this or am I alone.

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One thought on “Attempting to be OK

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  1. While I am not going through your exact situation, my own situation is leaving me weary and unsure. You are not alone. We, together, you and I and others like us, are together in this calling to help children who truly need our hearts and homes. You are not alone. And yet, we both are. I feel it with you.

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