Big Girl Pants Required

It finally happened. I actually have a foster child who hates me. She is a year old and she screams whenever I touch her. Now it has gotten better over the last three days she only cries for 5 minutes instead of 30 straight  so hey that is progress. Actually as I type this she is about two feet away from me on the couch singing and as long as I don’t attempt to touch her all will be well…but then again she requires a new diaper before bed…sigh…let the screaming begin again. Before you say it; yes it is just me, my daughters can sit with her on their lap no issues, carry her to the car no problem…me one finger near screams erupt.

Her brother conversely is all over me. He is sitting next to me right now watching me type letters and asking what I am doing. He sits next to me whenever I am on the couch and sometimes, yep sometimes, even listens the second time I tell him to do something. He needs to be watched though or he will shove his sister over without thinking about it. Gotta wonder what the kids see that they do this so frequently.

My BFF called me to check in, she actually stopped by yesterday and put little bit to sleep so I could get a screaming break. She got me laughing out loud because she said “Wouldn’t it be ironic if the first kid that hates you is actually a kid you have a chance to adopt?” Yeah that sounds like my life for sure but no I don’t think it will happen. I will find out more Wednesday after court though so until then live in the moment. They are really cute kids and I do hope that the parents can get do what they need to do for reunification.

As I sit here though I am forced to dealing with feelings of inadequacy. I have had 17 prior placements and none have disliked me to this extent, especially not this young. I mean I know I am not a failure and that this is just a tough situation but sometimes as I listen to her scream as I change her diaper I think…please let me not be further traumatizing her. I wish I knew what was going on with her but no I have no information at all it was the usual drop and go from Protective Services.

All right no point in post phoning the inevitable..I am off to a diaper change and a screaming fit…

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