The Roller Coaster…Get Me Off!!

I was at work this afternoon when it dawned on my I need to schedule to get my taxes done so I open up my personal email knowing the new tax guys number was in there. As I open it I notice I have some mail from the agency that is responsible for the sibling group I was interested in located in Ohio. You know the group that my agency refused to represent me at because they are more then eight hours away…yeah that group.

I sighed and a familiar pain hit me..you know the pain of rejection. Here would be the note that said after their conference last Thursday that I had yet again failed the the kids went from “Active” to “Placement Pending”.  Most of me didn’t want to open it but I told myself I might as well see the truth. Sure enough the kids names were listed and in the status it said “Active” So as I congratulated myself on yet another failure a suddenly VERY LOUD voice said “Idiot look again!!!!!”  So I looked again and yes it did say “Active” the kids had not been matched last week.  I scrolled down almost frantic what happened, what had gone wrong??!?! Surely someone wanted these three beautiful angels!!! The note simply said

” 2.3.14 A matching conference has been set for 4/3/14. If you would like to have your family presented for these siblings, please have your adoption worker follow up with the children’s caseworker BEFORE 3/20/14. All HS and requests for presentation must be sent to the caseworker before 3/20.”

My heart jumped with excitement, they had not been matched yet there was still a hope but then it all crashed down again. Yes I was looking into a new agency but I would not meet with them until next week. Yes I had a home study but it had to be updated. Did I have to be finger printed again that takes weeks. Could any of this happen in time?!?!?!

I had to stop myself. No it probably could not happen in time and in fact that was probably asking too much of anyone but especially an agency that would have just met me. I was sad again, another swing and a miss as I resigned myself to the reality that there was just too much to do and only a month to do it in. No it could not happen even though I really did want it to be so. Suddenly a ding jolted me out of my “poor me” funk, I had an email from my BFF. I took a look and it simply said “Anything exciting happen today?” Well no nothing really but I condensed it and told her about the scenario. Her next email made me laugh..

“Did it ever dawn on you that maybe it could happen? Did you ever think for a second that when you talked with her it might happen? What if this is a sign? What are the chances that this is the divine intervention you had asked for previously”

Well that made me smile. Sure one could say that about the situation but I am a half empty kind of gal so no I do not believe for a moment that this is a sign and that it was meant to be. Yes it is a little negative of me but faced with as much rejection as I have experienced lately….well the rose colored glasses sort of broke.  I dismissed it almost immediately and went back to work laughing at the craziness of it all. But I did feel a twinge of sadness, because those little angels were not matched and I did hope they would find a home soon.

I go to leave work and my phones rings, its my BFF. She starts the conversation off with “Look I know you are blowing off what I said but…..” She went into a long conversation about what if and maybe so’s. Yes I dismissed most of it as idealistic and naive and even pointed out how there is no way fingerprints can come back in time when I cant even pay for a home study until 3/4. But she  is insistent and wears me down “Promise me you will ask. The answer is probably no because you know the system but if the answer is yes…..what if the answer is yes?”

All right I promise to ask but no I am not holding out hope. Stop the coaster of emotions I need to get off for a minute..

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